So little is different

…and so much has changed. Graduating from college makes you think, naturally, about when you graduated from high school. I would say “four years ago today..” and make some kind of dramatic theme of it, but that wouldn’t be completely accurate. Four years ago today I was still a senior in high school, a couple weeks from graduation and my 18th birthday. This time my birthday is still a couple weeks off (that’s the thing about birthdays), but I’ve graduated already. I’m done. Again.

It’s easier to think, when you have a graduation-sized landmark to start from, about what has changed from one stop to the next. I still feel like essentially the same guy I was then, with the typical differences forced on a person by four years in college. I’m more comfortable talking in front of people, whether they are important or not and even if there are a bunch of them. I practically look forward to getting lost, since it (or so I tell myself) will improve my sense of direction. And other things too… I can do laundry, manage money, blablabla.

Not to undermine the importance of growing up in general, but that’s not what I’m thinking about right now. I had an interview yesterday, and on the way out I had one of those moments where I remembered that God is, in fact, working to my benefit. Maybe not in ways I expect or will notice immediately, but I realized that throughout the interview I had felt calm. I had not been calm, forcefully persuading myself to handle the interview well. I had felt, without a doubt, that everything would turn out for the best.

I know, I know, this is the way a Christian should always feel. But I rarely used to and oftentimes still don’t, so it’s exciting to notice that progress does, in fact, occur. How much different is the situation now from when I’d just graduated high school? Then, I knew exactly where I was headed and had no idea how I’d handle it. Now, I’m not so sure of either. Then, I’d invested the last few weeks in confessing my feelings for a girl. Now… pretty much the same. Then, as now, I was leaving something comfortable for something likely to be anything but.

The people and circumstances involved today are completely different, to be certain. With my attitude, though, it would be easy for me to treat them the same. For a few hours I knew the same sick hopelessness that chased me so much after high school. Then — nope! Thank God for progress when we try so halfheartedly. Now, I’m going to vacuum the pool and enjoy my unemployment status.

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