As we begin the second month of Soak the Rich, we start with another fun soakee: Microsoft! Bill Gates is a generous guy, so I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if his corporation’s taxes were doubled and his CEO’s pay whisked away for Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama to dole out.

Now Soaking: Microsoft

• Reuters lists Microsoft CEO Steven Ballmer’s compensation as $1,351,120. Ballmer has been with Microsoft since 1980, so he’s got enough money. That was easy: here’s $1,351,120 more for Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama to spend better than some private-industry fat-cat ever could!
• Microsoft’s 2010 income statement lists $6,253,000,000 in corporate income taxes. Let’s double that amount for more economic stimulus, Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama style!
• All said and done, doubling Microsoft’s corporate income tax and taking their CEO’s pay will reduce the 2011 U.S. budget deficit from $1,620,000,000,000 to $1,613,745,648,880.

Rest assured that – same as when we soaked Apple – this tax hike won’t increase the price of personal computer software, hardware, or services! Doubling Microsoft’s corporate income tax also won’t increase operating costs for Microsoft’s hundreds of thousands of business customers. Although a “free market” is really nothing but an evil cabal of fat-cats cheating helpless saps out of money, Sherrod Brown’s the sheriff in these parts! Supply, demand, risk, cost, and reward are merely shadows from the dark old days.

Furthermore, none of Microsoft’s 89,000 employees will lose their jobs if Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama raise corporate taxes to the moon. The only funds and individuals holding any of Microsoft’s 8.43 billion outstanding shares of stock who suffer will be the ones who deserve to.

We, The People who support Sherrod Brown’s fiscal policies, hold these leftist conceits to be self-evident.

We’re now a month into our thought experiment testing Sherrod Brown’s bold new fiscal policy: why cut spending when you can soak the rich?

Starting at the top of the S&P 500 and working our way through the index by market capitalization, we’ve soaked 8 of the wealthiest corporations in the world. Though far-leftists like Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama are rarely specific about their methodology (they’re ideas guys, man, and you can’t, like, lock them in your box of policy specifics), we’ve taken a leap to doubled corporate income taxes and fully “reclaimed” CEO pay.

If these extreme measures won’t work, there’s a tiny chance Sherrod Brown is either ignorant or dishonest to claim the budget could be balanced by making The Rich pay their fair share!

By dramatically increasing taxes on eight of America’s most successful corporations, we could reduce the 2011 U.S. budget deficit from $1,620,000,000,000 to $1,561,056,314,100. That’s a 3.638% slice of a single year’s deficit pie. Even if soaking a few hundred more companies could cover the other 96.362% of the 2011 deficit, would it be worth it?

Of course it would! As any Progressive will tell you, raising taxes on The Rich has no negative impacts. Here’s a list of the things that won’t happen if Sherrod Brown taxes his way to the chart above:

• None of these eight corporations’ 1,410,441 employees will lose their jobs.
• None of the funds or individuals holding these corporations’ 31,174,800,000 shares of stock will be ruined… unless they deserve to be!
• None of the products or services – cell phone service, broadband access, Band-Aids, baby soap, energy, transportation, iPods, laptops, servers, networking equipment, toothpaste, diapers, detergent, etc. – sold by these corporations will get more expensive.
• None of the entrepreneurs or executives throughout the country will stop investing in American businesses.

It’s a good thing raising taxes is an all-around win, because Sherrod Brown is our only hope and taxing The Rich is his only idea.

Wait, I nearly forgot – Sherrod Brown would be happy to cut defense spending! Because that isn’t one of the few things the U.S. Congress is actually supposed to spend money on.

Here we go again – like Procter & Gamble, Johnson & Johnson is another corporation that people aren’t nearly as frightened of as they should be. Come on, voters! If Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama only double taxes on the evilest corporations, we might have to cut spending! Obviously, that’s out of the question.

Now Soaking: Johnson & Johnson

• Reuters lists Johnson & Johnson CEO William Weldon’s pay as $28,720,500. Weldon has been with JNJ since 1971, so he’s got enough money. The People’s share of his loot: $28,720,500 more for Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama to spend on Lord-knows-what.
• Johnson & Johnson’s 2010 income statement lists $3,613,000,000 in corporate income taxes. Let’s double that amount so Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama can keep the economy stimulated!
• All said and done, doubling Johnson & Johnson’s corporate income tax and taking their CEO’s pay will reduce the 2011 U.S. budget deficit from $1,620,000,000,000 to $1,616,358,279,500.

Rest assured, such a punitive tax hike won’t raise the price of Band-Aids, contacts, over-the-counter medicines, baby soap, or anything else! None of Johnson & Johnson’s 114,000 employees will lose their jobs as a result. The only funds and individuals holding any of Johnson & Johnson’s 2.74 billion outstanding shares of stock who suffer will be the ones who deserve to.

We, The People who support Sherrod Brown’s fiscal policies, hold these leftist conceits to be self-evident.

Unlike last week’s dicey proposition of doubling corporate income taxes and taking CEO pay from Cincinnati-based Procter & Gamble, today’s episode of Soak the Rich is an easy sell. Who wouldn’t like to see AT&T pay their fair share to support the massive entitlement spending beloved by Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama?

Now Soaking: AT&T

• Reuters lists AT&T CEO Randall Stephenson’s pay as $27,341,600. Stephenson has been with AT&T since 1982, so he’s got enough money. The People’s share of his loot: $27,341,600 more for Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama to spend as their favorite lobbyists see fit.
• AT&T’s income statement lists negative income taxes for 2010, which is a rock I don’t even want to peer under. The 2009 statement lists $6,091,000,000 in corporate income tax – we’ll double that amount so Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama can keep the nation’s economy stimulated.
• By taking all their CEO’s pay and doubling the corporate income tax paid in 2009, we can help AT&T help the U.S. government reduce its 2011 budget deficit from $1,620,000,000,000 to $1,613,881,658,400.

But that’s not all! AT&T’s home and mobile services won’t get more expensive if their taxes are dramatically increased. None of the corporation’s 260,690 employees will lose their jobs as a result. The only funds and individuals holding any of AT&T’s 5.92 billion outstanding shares of stock who suffer will be the ones who deserve to.

We, The People who support Sherrod Brown’s fiscal policies, hold these leftist conceits to be self-evident.

We’re now three weeks into our thought experiment testing Sherrod Brown’s bold new fiscal policy: why cut spending when you can soak the rich?

Starting at the top of the S&P 500 and working our way through the index by market capitalization, we’ve now soaked half a dozen of the wealthiest corporations in the world. Though far-leftists like Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama are rarely specific about their methodology (they’re ideas guys, man, and you can’t, like, lock them in your box of policy specifics), we’ve taken a leap to doubled corporate income taxes and fully “reclaimed” CEO pay.

If these extreme measures won’t work, there’s a tiny chance Sherrod Brown is either ignorant or dishonest to claim the budget could be balanced by making The Rich pay their fair share!

By dramatically increasing taxes on six of America’s most successful corporations, we could reduce the 2011 U.S. budget deficit from $1,620,000,000,000 to $1,570,816,376,200. That’s a 3.036% slice of a single year’s deficit pie. Even if soaking a few hundred more companies could cover the other 96.964% of the 2011 deficit, would it be worth it?

Of course it would! As any Progressive will angrily insist, raising taxes on The Rich has no negative impacts. Here’s a list of the things that won’t happen if Sherrod Brown taxes his way to the chart above:

• None of the six corporations’ 1,035,751 employees will lose their jobs.
• None of the funds or individuals holding the six corporations’ 22,514,800,000 shares of stock will be ruined… unless they deserve to be!
• None of the products or services – energy, transportation, iPods, laptops, servers, networking equipment, toothpaste, diapers, detergent, etc. – sold by the six corporations will get more expensive.
• None of the entrepreneurs or executives throughout the country will stop investing in American businesses.

It’s a good thing raising taxes is an all-around win, because Sherrod Brown is the only man who can save us and taxing The Rich is his best idea.

Wait, I nearly forgot – Sherrod Brown would be happy to cut defense spending! Because that isn’t one of the few things the U.S. Congress is actually supposed to spend money on.

To date, following Sherrod Brown’s enlightened tax policy of shaking down fat-cat businesses has been mostly painless: we’ve soaked oil companies Exxon Mobil and Chevron; high-flying tech corporations Apple and IBM; and General Electric – the conglomerate’s conglomerate. These are the sort of menacing goliaths you can picture being run by Scrooge McDuck or the guy on the Monopoly box, and any casual observer would agree they don’t pay their fair share.

Now that we’re down to Procter & Gamble, the 6th-largest corporation in the S&P 500 index, Sherrod’s traveling class-warfare act starts to get difficult. P&G is a Cincinnati company responsible for a huge assortment of home, health, and personal care products. Sure, P&G owns 23 different brands that generate sales exceeding $1 billion annually, but still – Cincinnati?! It’s not Wall Street, it’s not Big Oil, and it isn’t Silicon Valley… yet the previous corporations covered tiny portions of the $1.62 trillion 2011 budget deficit, so the soaking must go on!

Now Soaking: Procter & Gamble

• According to Reuters – which generally lists higher, more inclusive numbers than MarketWatch, and has thus become our source for executive pay – Procter & Gamble CEO Robert McDonald’s fiscal 2010 compensation was $13,115,200. McDonald has been with P&G since 1980, so he’s got enough money. The People’s share of his loot: $13,115,200 more for Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama to spend on whatever seems like a good idea at the time.
• P&G’s income statement lists income taxes in the amount of $4,101,000,000 for fiscal 2010. We’ll double that amount so Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama can keep the nation’s economy stimulated.
• Take all the CEO’s pay, double corporate income taxes, and PG wallops the 2011 U.S. budget deficit from $1,620,000,000,000 down to $1,615,885,884,800!

The good news continues: none of the hundreds of items Procter & Gamble produces – some used daily by millions of Americans – will get more expensive if Sherrod Brown has his way. None of the corporation’s 127,000 employees will lose their jobs as a result of this dramatic tax hike. The only funds and individuals holding any of P&G’s 2.79 billion outstanding shares of stock who suffer will be the ones who deserve to.

We, The People who support Sherrod Brown’s fiscal policies, hold these leftist conceits to be self-evident.

Cross-posted at Third Base Politics.