Soak the Rich: Exelon Corp.

Senator Sherrod Brown (D-OH) and President Obama know that filling the $1.62 trillion U.S. budget deficit for Fiscal 2011 means forcing big corporations to pay their fair share. As a white-guilt-ridden capitalist pig, the least I can do is help with the calculations!

President Obama may be hedging on the EPA’s righteous destruction of American polluters, but that doesn’t mean dirty corporations are off the hook. Sure, we’ve already soaked several of the oil & gas giants, but the ill-gotten gains of a few more polluters will cover the nation’s budget deficit. Electric companies rely heavily on coal-powered plants… electric companies must pay!

Now Soaking: Exelon Corp.

None of Exelon’s 19,214 employees will lose their jobs if Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama work their not-at-all-socialist magic. The only funds & individuals holding Exelon’s 662 million outstanding shares of stock who suffer will be the ones who deserve to.

Don’t worry: this punitive tax policy won’t increase utility costs for the millions of Americans who buy electricity from Exelon subsidiaries or competitors!

We, The People who support Sherrod Brown’s fiscal policies, hold these leftist conceits to be self-evident.

Soak the Rich: ConocoPhillips

Senator Sherrod Brown (D-OH) and President Obama know that filling the $1.62 trillion U.S. budget deficit for Fiscal 2011 means forcing big corporations to pay their fair share. As a white-guilt-ridden private industry lackey, the least I can do is help with the calculations!

President Obama may be hedging on the EPA’s righteous destruction of American polluters, but that doesn’t mean dirty corporations are off the hook. Sure, we’ve already soaked Exxon and Chevron, but the ill-gotten gains of a few more polluting fat-cats will cover the nation’s budget deficit!

Now Soaking: ConocoPhillips

None of ConocoPhillips’s 29,900 employees will lose their jobs if Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama work their not-at-all-socialist magic. The only funds & individuals holding ConocoPhillips’s 1.37 billion outstanding shares of stock who suffer will be the ones who deserve to.

Don’t worry: this punitive tax policy won’t increase the cost of travel, heating, shipping, or plastics!

We, The People who support Sherrod Brown’s fiscal policies, hold these leftist conceits to be self-evident.

Soak the Rich, Week 18

Senator Sherrod Brown (D-OH) has a Progressive’s grasp of economics: corporations are evil, and bureaucrats could micromanage the world perfectly given a little more money.

Sherrod – like President Obama – isn’t specific about his approach to sustainable big government, so what if we used the class-warrior’s dream scenario of doubled corporate income taxes and fully “reclaimed” CEO pay? Starting with just the 2011 deficit of $1.62 trillion, how fast could we balance the budget with a bit extra from the kings of the S&P 500?

After a decidedly non-Progressive lapse in weekly recaps, we’re back on schedule. Now that we’ve soaked 36 of America’s largest employers, we’ve covered 6.587% of the 2011 deficit! That’s a reduction from $1,620,000,000,000 to $1,513,286,096,569 (view source workbook).

If hiking taxes on a few hundred more corporations could cover the remaining 93.413% of the 2011 deficit, would it be worth it?

Sure! As Sherrod would insist, soaking The Rich has no negative effects. Among the things that won’t happen if Sherrod Brown and President Obama tax their way to the chart above:

  • None of the corporations’ 6,505,112 employees will lose their jobs.
  • None of the corporations’ products or services – health insurance, prescription drugs, medical devices, food at supermarkets & restaurants, purified water, appliances, gasoline, business & consumer lending, checking accounts, savings accounts, construction equipment, air travel, shipping, national defense, cell phone service, broadband access, fast food, soda, sports drinks, snacks, the thousands of items available at Amazon.com & Wal-Mart, toothpaste, diapers, detergent, baby soap, Band-Aids, movies, television, newspapers, computer software, iPods, laptops, servers, networking equipment, etc. – will get more expensive.
  • None of the funds or individuals holding the corporations’ 87,648,800,000 shares of stock will be ruined… unless they deserve it!
  • None of the world’s entrepreneurs or executives will stop investing in American businesses.

Good thing raising taxes is an all-around win… otherwise, Ohioans would have to find a senator with more sense than Sherrod Brown!

Cross-posted at Third Base Politics.

Soak the Rich: Morgan Stanley

I know, even before soaking Citigroup we had put the hypothetical taxation screws to lots of banks – but it’s vital that banks pay their fair share to the federal government! As Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac remind us, private industry’s overflowing corruption mars the perfection of government lenders.

Plus, there’s still the matter of a $1.62 trillion U.S. deficit for Fiscal 2011, and soaking the rich is Senator Sherrod Brown (D-OH) and President Obama’s centrist answer for these sort of minor budgetary troubles!

Now Soaking: Morgan Stanley

None of Morgan Stanley’s 62,542 employees will lose their jobs if Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama have their way. The only funds & individuals holding Morgan Stanley’s 1.93 billion outstanding shares of stock who suffer will be the ones who deserve to.

Don’t worry: this punitive tax policy won’t increase the cost of checking, savings, or credit accounts… and even if it did, that would help Americans learn that only the federal government can be trusted! Once again, Sherrod succeeds where the free market fails.

We, The People who support Sherrod Brown’s fiscal policies, hold these leftist conceits to be self-evident.

Soak the Rich: Citigroup

Sure, we’ve already put the hypothetical taxation screws to numerous banks, but it’s really important for those Wall Street monsters to pay their fair share to the federal government! As Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac demonstrate daily, private industry is black with corruption that blots the driven-snow purity of government lenders.

Plus, there’s still the matter of a $1.62 trillion U.S. deficit for Fiscal 2011, and soaking the rich is Senator Sherrod Brown (D-OH) and President Obama’s tried-and-sorta-true solution for budgetary blips like this!

Now Soaking: Citigroup, Inc.

None of Citigroup’s 260,000 employees will lose their jobs if Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama work their not-at-all-socialist magic. The only funds & individuals holding Citigroup’s 2.92 billion outstanding shares of stock who suffer will be the ones who deserve to.

Don’t worry: this punitive tax policy won’t increase the cost of checking, savings, or credit accounts… and even if it did, it’d help Americans learn that only the federal government can be trusted! Once again, Sherrod succeeds where the free market fails.

We, The People who support Sherrod Brown’s fiscal policies, hold these leftist conceits to be self-evident.

Soak the Rich: Quadruple-Bypass

Unlike Senator Sherrod Brown (D-OH), the president, and the first lady, I’m not a class warfare professional. As a result, I failed the last two weeks to keep the Soak the Rich hose trained on evil corporations! In honor of vacationer extraordinaire Michelle Obama, this special catchup edition will target fat-cat fatty-foods producers.

Remember, although we’ve already soaked McDonald’s and 29 more of America’s largest employers, we’ve barely covered 6% of the $1.62 trillion 2011 U.S. budget deficit. Sherrod says we can keep spending on entitlements if corporations give their fair share, so we’ll keep soaking corporations until we’ve filled that hole!

Now Soaking: The Coca-Cola Company

Coca-Cola makes sugary beverages, among other things. Sugary beverages make children fat!

None of Coca-Cola’s 139,600 employees will lose their jobs if Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama work their not-at-all-socialist magic. The only funds & individuals holding Coca-Cola’s 2.3 billion outstanding shares of stock who suffer will be the ones who deserve to.

Now Soaking: General Mills, Inc.

General Mills makes cereal, Pillsbury desserts, and Hamburger Helper, among other things. General Mills makes Americans fat!

None of General Mills’s 35,000 employees will lose their jobs if Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama work their not-at-all-socialist magic. The only funds & individuals holding General Mills’s 647 million outstanding shares of stock who suffer will be the ones who deserve to.

Now Soaking: PepsiCo, Inc.

PepsiCo makes beverages, many of them chock full of sugar. PepsiCo wants to kill your babies!

None of PepsiCo’s 294,000 employees will lose their jobs if Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama work their not-at-all-socialist magic. The only funds & individuals holding PepsiCo’s 1.58 billion outstanding shares of stock who suffer will be the ones who deserve to.

Now Soaking: Yum! Brands, Inc.

Yum! Brands is responsible for fatty fast-food abominations Taco Bell, KFC, Long John Silvers, Pizza Hut, and A&W. Yum! should be tried for war crimes in Michelle Obama’s fight on fatness.

None of Yum!’s 52,920 employees will lose their jobs if Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama work their not-at-all-socialist magic. The only funds & individuals holding Yum!’s 464 million outstanding shares of stock who suffer will be the ones who deserve to.

Whatever healthy products these corporations produce, the government must punish their fatty, salty, sugary sins. But don’t worry: this punitive tax policy won’t increase the cost of snacks, beverages, cereal, or fast food – and even if it did, that would help stupid Americans eat better! Once again, Sherrod succeeds where the free market fails.

We, The People who support Sherrod Brown’s fiscal policies, hold these leftist conceits to be self-evident.

Soak the Rich: The 6% Barrier!

Senator Sherrod Brown (D-OH) has a Progressive’s grasp of economics: corporations are evil, and bureaucrats could micromanage the world perfectly given a little more money. Sherrod – like President Obama – isn’t specific about his approach to sustainable big government, so what if we used the class-warrior’s dream scenario of doubled corporate income taxes and fully “reclaimed” CEO pay? Starting with just the 2011 deficit of $1.62 trillion, how fast could we balance the budget with a bit extra from the kings of the S&P 500?

We’ve done it! After soaking only 30 of America’s largest employers, we’ve covered… barely 6% of this year’s deficit (view source workbook). That’s a reduction from $1,620,000,000,000 to $1,521,756,222,570.

If hiking taxes on a few hundred more corporations could cover the remaining 93.936% of the 2011 deficit, would it be worth it?

Sure! As Sherrod would insist, soaking The Rich has no negative effects. Among the things that won’t happen if Sherrod Brown and President Obama tax their way to the chart above:

  • None of the corporations’ 5,661,050 employees will lose their jobs.
  • None of the corporations’ products or services – health insurance, prescription drugs, medical devices, food at supermarkets & restaurants, purified water, appliances, gasoline, business & consumer lending, checking accounts, savings accounts, construction equipment, air travel, shipping, national defense, cell phone service, broadband access, fast food, the thousands of items available at Amazon.com & Wal-Mart, toothpaste, diapers, detergent, baby soap, Band-Aids, movies, television, newspapers, computer software, iPods, laptops, servers, networking equipment, etc. – will get more expensive.
  • None of the funds or individuals holding the corporations’ 77,807,800,000 shares of stock will be ruined… unless they deserve it!
  • None of the world’s entrepreneurs or executives will stop investing in American businesses.

Good thing raising taxes is an all-around win… otherwise, Ohioans would have to find a senator with more sense than Sherrod Brown!

Cross-posted at Third Base Politics.

Soak the Rich: Bank of America

US Bancorp shouldn’t be the only band of bankster bandits soaked to fill the $1.62 trillion shortfall in the 2011 federal budget. Who do you think Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-OH) is, some kind of unfair Republican?! While we’re penalizing banks, Bank of America is also going to have to pay for Washington’s totally necessary spending spree.

Now Soaking: Bank of America Corp.

Fear not: a punishing tax hike on a national bank won’t increase the cost of mortgage, savings, checking, or credit accounts! None of Bank of America’s 288,000 employees will lose their jobs if Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama work their not-at-all-socialist magic. Last and least, the only funds & individuals holding any of Bank of America’s 10.13 billion outstanding shares of stock who suffer will be the ones who deserve to.

Soaking the Rich is different from choosing winners and losers via massive federal bailouts, because nothing bad happens when you Soak the Rich!

We, The People who support Sherrod Brown’s fiscal policies, hold these leftist conceits to be self-evident.

Soak the Rich: US Bancorp

There’s a $1.62 trillion shortfall in the 2011 federal budget, but Senator Sherrod Brown (D-OH) knows how to fix it! The problem with Washington’s balance sheet, you see, is that corporations don’t pay their fair share. US Bancorp is a prime example – and if those bankster crooks think they’ll get away with it, Sherrod would beg to differ!

Now Soaking: US Bancorp

Fear not: a punishing tax hike on one of the country’s largest banks won’t increase the cost of checking, savings, mortgage, or credit accounts! None of US Bancorp’s 60,584 employees will lose their jobs if Sherrod Brown and Barack Obama work their not-at-all-socialist magic. Last and least, the only funds & individuals holding any of US Bancorp’s 1.92 billion outstanding shares of stock who suffer will be the ones who deserve to.

We, The People who support Sherrod Brown’s fiscal policies, hold these leftist conceits to be self-evident.

Soak the Rich, Week 14

Senator Sherrod Brown (D-OH) has a Progressive’s grasp of economics: corporations are evil, and bureaucrats could micromanage the world to perfection with just a little more money. Sherrod – like President Obama – isn’t specific about his approach to sustainable big government, so what if we used the class-warrior’s dream scenario of doubled corporate income taxes and fully “reclaimed” CEO pay? Starting with just the 2011 deficit of $1.62 trillion, how fast could we balance the budget with a little extra from the kings of the S&P 500 index?

Shown below: the 2011 federal budget deficit, and the 5.949% slice that would result from dramatically increasing taxes on twenty-eight of America’s largest employers (view source workbook). That’s a reduction from $1,620,000,000,000 to $1,523,626,933,840.

If hiking taxes on a few hundred more corporations could cover the remaining 94.051% of the 2011 deficit, would it be worth it?

Sure! As Sherrod would insist, soaking The Rich has no negative effects. Among the things that won’t happen if Sherrod Brown and President Obama tax their way to the chart above:

  • None of the corporations’ 5,312,466 employees will lose their jobs.
  • None of the corporations’ products or services – health insurance, prescription drugs, medical devices, food at supermarkets & restaurants, purified water, appliances, gasoline, business & consumer lending, construction equipment, air travel, shipping, national defense, cell phone service, broadband access, fast food, the thousands of items available at Amazon.com & Wal-Mart, toothpaste, diapers, detergent, baby soap, Band-Aids, movies, television, newspapers, computer software, iPods, laptops, servers, networking equipment, etc. – will get more expensive.
  • None of the funds or individuals holding the corporations’ 65,757,800,000 shares of stock will be ruined… unless they deserve it!
  • None of the world’s entrepreneurs or executives will stop investing in American businesses.

Good thing raising taxes is an all-around win… otherwise, Ohioans would have to find a senator with more sense than Sherrod Brown!

Cross-posted at Third Base Politics.